If You Leave Tonight
by sundaybest7
Summary: "I leave in seven days," He looked away towards the window. "I know," I said in the same tone. His next words I didn't expect. Seddie


Now is my chance. I could speak now and tear back open a wound I've patched over with a band-aid and bleed out everywhere. Tell him everything I've never wanted to say. Speak now or forever hold my piece. His hand was on the silver door handle, as if he too was waiting for me to say something, anything. I breathe in hard, just to remember I can and try not to blink, because blinking just wastes the time I don't have to spare. He turns around about to smile… about to open his mouth and let words flow, but doesn't. Was he waiting for something? Was I waiting for something? Because, if I remember correctly, the two of us never really got along. I laugh when he falls and he'd choose anyone over me. So what was taking him so long to just leave? Open the door and onto the street, and that'd be it.

Today was his last night in Seattle, we had been friends for the last 5 years, but I always said we only stayed friends because of Carly. Freddie got accepted to UCLA, I never gave him credit for how bright he was. When he told me, I felt a pang of guilt. "I should have been nicer," lightly crosses my mind, but I brush it off. When he told me, all I said was, "Good for you."

Instantly I wondered if we would keep in touch, but then I remember that I shouldn't care either way. It's hard to pretend I didn't care though, even if we didn't get along I hoped he'd find himself there. We had been friends since middle school, and now the grown up Freddie in front of me, wanted something neither of us could give him. I thought back to some of our better times, when he was actually funny but I wouldn't laugh at his jokes , or when we'd hang out at the Shay's on Saturday nights and I'd find some way to make him miserable. I understood that Freddie, the Freddie that wanted Carly. The Freddie that hated me. But this Freddie didn't hate me, he had a piece of me I wouldn't let go of, a piece that was keeping him from walking through the door.

Freddie turned to me, not letting go of the handle and finally spoke, "Sam, I hate to ask this but are you happy?'

"What do you mean?"

"Are you happy with your life and how things have turned out?"

"What does this have to do with anything?"

"Just answer. Make me not regret leaving" His voice sounded angry.

"Yes, I'm happy. So you can leave, knowing that I am just fine without you."

_A week ago he had asked me to meet him at his apartment and originally I hadn't wanted to, because the way he asked had some thick heavy meaning I didn't want to deal with. Either way I couldn't make myself ditch him and I showed up. As I walked up the back staircase my mind questioned for less than a second, there might be a reason I couldn't ditch him, but I pushed it to the back. I walked in his apartment without knocking, hands in my leather jacket, and headed to the back room. He was sitting on his unmade bed, his hair fluffed and messy, but he didn't look up at me._

_ I sat down next to him, his eyes were watching his hands he had interlocked together. He slowly turned to look at me, but he said nothing. I said nothing. It was a sweet silence, comfortable enough to move in. _

_ "Sam, I'm leaving in a week," He finally spoke minutes later._

_ "I know," I said flatly._

_ "I leave in seven days." He looked away towards the window._

_ "I know," I said in the same tone. His next words I didn't expect._

_ "I should probably say things I won't get to say again right?"_

_ "If you want."_

_ "Do you ever wonder what if? I mean as in 'what if I had just said what I had wanted in that moment , but now it's too late and we can't go back'?"_

_ "I guess I have."_

_ "Right. Well it's just that sometimes I wonder about you… about us."_

_ "Freddie, why did you ask me to come here?" I had never been good at dealing with emotions and I wasn't about to get insightful with Freddie right before he left._

_ "Because- can I ask you something?"_

_ "You've already asked me like four questions, so just shoot."_

_ "When I liked Carly, I knew she didn't like me. But I don't know- things just sort of made sense that way. Like when you're in a place too long but you stay because it is all you know. I didn't like Carly for as long as I pretended to."_

_ "Yeah, I know."_

_ "Wait—What? How did you know that?"_

_ "I just did, and also because I knew you liked me. You were scared to know what it felt like to like me. So you lied, and I stayed quiet. And everything stayed the same."_

_ "Did you like me back?"_

_ "I don't know!" I shot him a look; I wasn't ready to admit anything._

_ "You can tell me, I'm leaving anyway." His motioned his hands, urging me on._

_ "No, I didn't like you."_

_ "At all?"_

_ "As a friend."_

_ "You're lying."_

_ "No I'm not, stop it with this."_

_ "Sam," He shifted in his bed slowly turning to me and crossed his arms, "don't you want to get this off your chest before the chance is up?"_

_ "It's not like it ever mattered." I rolled my eyes._

_ "It does matter."_

_ "Why would it matter, Freddie? You liked Carly and I wasn't going to tell you of all people how I felt, when you were in love with someone else!"_

_ "It matters to me." He was staring softly at me, his eyes admiring and kind. I looked away, this all felt strange._

_ "I should go, I shouldn't have come here." I got off the bed and trudged to the door, my legs felt heavy and my head was pounding, but I tried to play off the fact that this was more painful than anything I had ever dealt with. _

_ "Sam, wait." As I turned to look he was already standing behind me, but I just looked at him quickly and walked out the door. I wasn't sure why I felt in such a rush to leave, but I knew if he leaves then where did that leave us? Where does this leave me?_

"That's the thing, Sam," he let go of the door handle and faced me completely; "I'm not fine without you." I didn't know the right words to say in this moment, so I closed my mouth. He stepped closer and suddenly breathing seemed like the most complicated work I had ever done. He stopped when he was close enough to touch. He seemed unsure of himself and his face looked like a million thoughts were running through his head before he finally just mustered up the courage. He cupped one side of my face and leaned.

My hands fell to my sides and then to his sides, as his lips met mine. For a brief instant I forgot this wasn't perfect, and that he wasn't leaving tonight. Because for that brief moment, and for once in my life, I didn't want a single thing to change. He closed his eyes and deepened our kiss, I could feel him smiling behind his lips. I wanted to smile back.

But something in my brain shifted and I remembered the closer and hotter things got now, the more it would hurt as he walked out the door. As much as I didn't want to, I had to push him away. I had no choice, he was going to leave anyway, so I had to make that moment now. I placed my hands on his abdomen and shoved him lightly. Our lips parted without a sound.

"What's wrong?"

"I… I—I can't do this." I lied; he could see I was lying. But he just nodded and stepped back. He was never one to push.

"Why?"

"You're leaving, _tonight_. For good."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, it's a great school you can't turn that down-"

"No, I'm sorry for pretending to like Carly and making you sit back and watch. I was stupid, I should have just listened to my heart, and now once again it's too late." I smiled and folded my arms. He honestly looked broken, like someone had ripped him up. But it was getting late and he had to go.

"You're going to miss your plane." He already knew, but he said thanks and pushed open the orange Groovy Smoothie door. As he walked through the door, I felt ten years older. Like watching your favorite childhood toy get sold at a garage sale. He glanced back at me through the window and waved. And I watched him walk down the rainy Seattle street until he faded into the dark.

~~~~~ A/n so this absolutely SUCKS but I feel bad because people have been following me and its been forever since I uploaded anything. The truth is I have written a ton but most I feel sucks too much to post. This is not anything worth posting either, but meh, I might as well because it is finished.

If you read this then I LOVE YOU! :D


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